Fall of the House of Crickets

Flowers & Trees
Fall of a leaf

I love the Fall season. It’s so beautiful in my part of the country (east coast of the US) when the leaves on the trees start to turn to gorgeous hues of red, orange, and gold, and there is a slight nip in the air. It’s time for a light jacket, apple cider, Halloween decorations, and pumpkin everything.  Aahhh.

But then, as if in a calculated attempt to poison the well: CRICKETS.

cricket photo

I hate them, and I have figured out that they know this. This can be the only reason that they wait until I’m alone to show up, uninvited, unhinging me to my very core as they vault over the TV stand, and swing from light fixtures, chirping incessantly. I hate the look of them, and I hate the sound of them. For the love of all that is sacred, man, I hate them!

Ahem.

To be clear, I’m not a big fan of insects in general. But I am especially repulsed by unapologetically large ones that have the ability to get on me so easily. If one ever did land on me, I would imagine that my shrieks might approximate a horrific movie murder scene.

the scream pink floyd image files|Infopal

Crickets do not honor my personal space. Nope. In fact, I would even go so far as to say that they revel in the opportunity to accost me at every turn.  A case in point: We keep our bottled water on the screened porch which is attached to our house. Often, before turning in for the night, I like to grab a bottle of water to keep on my nightstand. However, lately, the crickets have assigned a Sentry to guard the bottles of water so that when I flip on the light and attempt to confiscate a bottle, the little bastards are right there to make sure I go thirsty.

Pure. Evil. Genius.

So, in a last ditch effort to save humanity (or at least myself, let’s be realistic) I got out the big container of bug spray today…you know, the one that has a hose attached just like the pro’s use. Yeah, that one – the big boy.bug spray

I sprayed all around the family room, all the while keeping a close watch for any subversive insect movement out of the corner of my eye. At first it seemed as though I had encouraged more activity as several of the beasts limped out of their hiding places to flip me the bird one last time before they dropped dead. But now, oh now, it seems pretty quiet. Victory is mine!

Unless…they are plotting their next move.

Oh Lord.  I think I may need a Xanax.

 

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