Category Archives: Retirement

A short story using the songs from my phone

I was looking through some of the titles in my song library the other day, and it occurred to me that one could write a story using some of the common words and sentiments found in song titles.  So I did. I’m terribly sorry. Please accept my sincere apology.  I still don’t know why I did it.

 

Here it is in all its glory:

bts6

Every Morning, Down on the Corner, In a Big Country, In the City, Everyday People fall in love. Everybody Plays the Fool, but Love is All Around. When it comes to Good Lovin’, it’s a Good Feelin’ to Know that if you Let Love Rule, and Let it Grow, One Way or Another, It Keeps You Runnin’. Would I Lie to You?

cartoon guy playing guitar

But, Hold On, Here’s Where the Story Ends: I’m Not the Only One. I Know There’s Something Going On because I Heard it Through the Grapevine. Who Knew? But, is it Just My Imagination? One Way or Another, I’ll have to get to The Heart of the Matter. I’m not ready to say Goodbye to You because I’m So Into You. You Really Got Me. I might be Over my Head, but One Thing is for sure – if you don’t Treat Me Right, you’d better Turn Me Loose. Walk Away. Love is a Battlefield and Love Hurts, but it’s a Livin’ Thing. Love is a Rose. And One Thing is forever true: Good People Can’t Get Enough Good Lovin’.

love songs

 

So, if I Can’t Get Next to You, I Wanna Be Sedated. I Want You to Want Me so I’m Gonna Make You Love Me. I Can’t Help Myself. I’m ready to give you the Best of My Love; I Just Can’t Wait.

Let’s Stay Together because there is no use in Living in the Past and just Waiting for the End. I Decided You’ll Accompany Me as I Walk on the Wild Side.

Soon as I Get Paid.

Unfortunately for you all, I have many more titles in my song library.  I’ll bet you can’t wait until I retire.

 

Retirement Planning?

guyinhammock

Apparently, I’m supposed to have been saving for retirement. Every time I see a commercial on TV showing a slightly graying couple planning their European vacation, I am reminded of this fact. The problem, however, is that I never really decided what I wanted to be when I grew up, and I still don’t know. So, I don’t have a super lucrative job or a retirement account that’s going to get me to Europe any time soon.  I suppose that I should be comforted by the fact that, with the help of a bottle of blonde hair color, I am not slightly graying either. Ha!
When I first went to college, I was originally thinking along the lines of becoming a Psychologist. I took a lot of Psychology courses, and I really liked them. I diagnosed and cured myself (sometimes in the same week) with all sorts of peculiar mental anomalies. Then I found out that, absent a doctorate degree, I would probably never realize the dream of becoming a Psychologist. This would surely mean more school than I had ever thought possible. I knew my limits: dreams dashed.
I puttered around for awhile in the banking industry, until one day, after reviewing a great many loan applications, I realized that the whole world – the whole world – was making more money than I. It was time to do something about it, but I still did not know exactly what.
Several years and multiple student loans later, I had an epiphany: I should major in Marketing. I rationalized that a business degree would open many doors for me. The only real problem, as I saw it, was that I would likely be expected to do math. Math and I have never really gotten along. I think it had something to do with the early childhood trauma of having to solve for x.   X is a letter people. It should not have to aspire to anything more, in my estimation. I recall having told at least one or two of my junior high school math teachers this. They looked askance at me, as only hardened purveyors of complex analytics can, and then they failed me. Nonetheless, math or no math, I felt that it would be to my benefit to pursue the Marketing thing because it would marry the best of both worlds: business and creativity.
I graduated with a BS in Marketing in 1991 only to discover quickly that, to the business world, a Marketing degree meant lots of personal selling. I could not, with any reasonable expectation of success, see myself making a living selling anything to anyone. I’m far too laid back. If someone said “no” to my recommendation that he purchase my wares, I fear that I would simply say, “OK. Have a nice day!” That kind of behavior would surely not lead me to the riches I desired. So, I looked elsewhere.
In 2000 I landed a technical support job with a large cable company . I was terrible at it. In the beginning, anyway, I felt very sorry for the people I “helped.” But, I persevered, even if some of the customers did not, and I came to learn a lot about technology, computers, and the internet. I lasted, on and off, in this blessed endeavor until approximately mid-2013, at which point it was time to part ways with the cable company. The technology bug, however, had been planted, and I soon found myself enrolled in grad school, pursuing an advanced technology degree.

As you might imagine, more schooling meant more math. Although I dutifully mastered the concept of binary operations without my head exploding, I drew a line in the sand at the prospect of more accounting. There is only so much balancing of figures a language oriented person like me can take. I now find myself waiting tables, which in and of itself is really not such a hateful proposition. In fact, I rather enjoy it.  However, it is not going to get me to Europe any time soon either.

Sigh.

Well, at least I haven’t got any gray hairs.