Category Archives: Exercise

Exercise Woes

plank fail

Hubby and I went to the gym to work out today, as we often do. I have not really been in the mood to exercise of late, but I knew that I would feel guilty if I didn’t go. Once there, of course, I commenced to lie on the mat for about 20 minutes.

When I finally gathered up the wherewithal to initiate my exercise routine (after another 20 minutes of the requisite detangling of my headphones) I had decided that today’s implement of torture would be the Expresso bike.


I have a love/hate relationship with the Expresso bike, but mostly hate. It’s an upright bike, similar to the real thing, but it has an attached computer screen that allows the user to navigate through a variety of virtual reality (VR) scenes, each of which varies in length and incline. (I’m inclined to pick the easiest one, if you know what I mean!)
The Expresso bike, I’m pretty confident, has designs on killing me. The descriptions of the various routes generally say things like “easy to navigate hills” and other atrocious lies.

Many of the VR scenes are lush landscapes and parks by the sea. I believe this is an effort to trick the rider into believing that his or her virtual ride will be a virtual joy. As a fairly seasoned rider I can assure you that while it will be many things, a joy isn’t one of them.

Some of the VR scenes are actually a little on the creepy side. I try to avoid these because they tend to give me nightmares. There is one in particular in which the rider is a prop in a giant train garden. The rider doesn’t necessarily realize this until about mid-way through the course when the architect of the train garden, a giant guy in a conductor’s outfit, is seen visually scanning the bike route as riders scurry past. I’ve done that one a few times, but I’m always afraid the giant guy will take notice of me and swat me off the course, or something equally disturbing. Needless to say, I typically prefer the pretty park scenes.

Today, I hopped aboard the bike, selected one of the flatter looking courses to traverse, and cranked up “Steal My Sunshine.”

Don’t judge me.

The Expresso bike program provides a “ghost” rider which represents each rider’s previous feats, so I usually end up just trying to beat myself. Considering that I usually can’t walk after my ride, I’d say I’m pretty good at it.  And, just in case you are wondering, no, you can’t hurl yourself off the cliffs in an effort to make it all stop…I’ve tried that.


So, by now, you may be wondering why I subject myself to all this tortuous exercise. The answer: I just don’t know. I guess it’s because it makes me feel as though I’m going to live a long, healthy life… or die trying.